Be a Better Citizen

            Recently my wife brought home a study guide for the U.S. citizenship test. I had always heard that it was an incredibly tough test, one that most “regular” American citizens couldn't pass. I took the test hoping for a good challenge, but instead I walked away feeling kind of gipped. It was actually a fairly simple test, or so I thought, right up until I quizzed a couple of recent high school graduates. This was just another in a long line of shameful experiences that  showed me just how much our culture looks down on intelligence and knowledge, especially here in the South. I can't speak for the rest of the country, but the Tea Party is a nationwide thing so we are obviously idiots all over.

            What struck me more than their complete lack of knowledge was their apparent glee in their ignorance. They actually thought it funny and cool that they couldn't tell me either the day or the year when the Declaration of Independence was signed. There was no shame on their part, nor was there any interest in learning or voting. This is worrisome on many levels, as voting is one of the few things that I will go out of my way to do. Especially disconcerting is the fact that I realized these are the exact type of people who hear professional paranoiac Wayne LaPierre rant about President Obama coming for your guns and believe it to be true, and I say this as a card-carrying NRA member.

            This has brought me to the conclusion that we should have voter ID laws, but not in the way that Republicans or anybody has suggested. Before you gain the right to vote, you should have to take the U.S. citizenship test. You shouldn't be allowed to pick the people who run this country if you know nothing about it. If you can't tell me who succeeds the President and Vice President if they can't serve, I don't want you to be able to pick either. Upon completion of your citizenship test, you get a nifty little card which certifies you as a person worthy of the responsibility of voting.

            I understand that not everyone has either the time or inclination to become a history buff or policy wonk, but it's not hard to remember how many Senators we have. Sure, this idea would alienate plenty of voters, and I'm not saying the plan couldn't use some tweaking. However, the majority of America is terrible, awful and incredibly stupid, and I shudder to think of what this country would look like if we had 100% voter turnout. I'm all for higher turnout, but there should be some sort of competency test to make sure you aren't some ridiculously under-informed fucktard who thinks that President Obama is a Kenyan Muslim.

            We should all strive to be a better citizen. Learn something about who you are voting for, and for chrissake if you must watch Fox News don't let them fool you into thinking that they are anything other than the Cartoon Network of news, or that they are “Fair and Balanced.” Try and get at least a few different and reliable sources, from both sides of the aisle, before you pull the lever. That's how we keep people like Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum out of office.

Frank Nichols